GunterYokomatsu

So I will be starting a paper journal soon because there are some things I can say to myself that I need to get out that I don't want to release here. And no way in hell is it going on FB.  I was under a lot of stress lately and that has all been relieved by a refreshing new friend that I could endlessly gush over because of how amazing she is to me. I have never had a friend treat me so well to be honest. I mean don't get me wrong I have some AMAZING friends. But of course it is slightly different when you hope it can one day be more (hint hint to that person, she knows who she is). I don't want to make this too long to read but I can expect I will be recording A LOT this week because whenever I am talking to her I get super inspired and singing just flows out of me. So I will do a few full songs and finish the previews I had on my bad FB. Which is here btw if anyone wants to hear it. www.facebook.com/pages/Society…

That is all for today.

This most likely could be a really long journal. I am even considering writing a book. I know I barely read but I am thinking about it.  I realize now that I didn't just get my heart broken. I probably deserved it. Maybe not in this peticular relationship. But I realize now I have become a victim of what I innocently caused. I fall in love to quick, wear my heart on my sleeve, but then when I am not happy anymore I just leave. I have followed this pattern looking for a wife since my first real gf/fiance'. I always chalked up to being a good guy by not being in a relationship I shouldn't be in. The reality was only half right. I definitely should not lead a girl on or be in a false relationship, but I also shouldn't be so quick to "love" or allow a woman to fall in love with me. Its infatuation. I believe more women have been in love with me then I with them. At the times I really did believe it. Its not as if I was "playing" them or doing it on purpose. But I was careless with their hearts and they didn't deserve it. Now I met someone and have been on the opposite side of it and I know how they felt. Allyson really did love me but she is not ready to find her true love yet. She got bored and moved on. Granted she did it in so many wrong and bad ways that I really did not deserve, but the pain is the same as what I am sure I have caused in the past. I fought with all my might to keep her just as the women before her begged me not to go. Now I get it. I never deserved Allyson because it took meeting her for me to truly realize what love was. To really respect and nourish it. And it was taken from me because I did not deserve it. I really do hope that one day she doesn't have to go through this level of pain in order to see that we are not so different. She is headed down the same path as me and I don't wish it upon anyone. But we all must learn in our own way. I had to learn the wrong hard way. I have never felt pain like this but at least now I know how not to cause it. I want nothing more than to have her back but I know her mind is made up she never will give me another chance. Just like I never went back to any of my exs. At least not as far as more than friends.  Just because it was not intentional does not make my actions or emotions ok. I need to keep them in check and not allow a woman to fall for me that I do not fully intend on being with forever. You showed me what true love really is. I hope you find your true love and I hope he does not hurt you the way I hurt now.

I am a social person. I think it would be cool to have more people to talk to in general with similar interests to keep me distracted as I work through some personal issues. If anyone is interested in chatting I don't even necessarily mean video chat or even voice. Just would be cool to have some people now and then to keep my mind occupied. I usually would respond via skype mobile anyways. Lemme know if anyone is willing or just doesn't mind someone new to chat with in general :/

I am pretty much tired of 90% of the people on this site. Let me rephrase, 90% of people that exist. I recently went through and un-followed a LOT of people. I am well aware not everyone is here to make friends they are just here to look or submit art and I am ok with that. But don't be fake or lie. I would much rather someone completely ignore a message I write to them because I think they seem cool then to have them lead me on as to a friendship forming and then disappear. I am old enough to be ok with and understand that not all personalities match but the fakeness has got to stop. Just be front with it all. Don't say things like "were gonna be awesome friends your so so amazing, I bet if I met you in person I would have such a crush on you", then in a week or two disappear from even a friendship. That just makes you a fake liar. If you aren't going to have time to chat just say so or don't ever respond in the first place. Fake friends are useless in every way. I also would like to take the time to point out that Alanna is the coolest person and most real down to earth person I have ever met on here. To further prove my theory of ignorance of the world towards me I am sure this will get less comments then I can count on 1 hand. If you want to make sure you aren't deleted off here please say so. *end rant*

This is for Abandoned Melody

1.) Do you like anime?? If so, which one(s) is/are your favorite(s)??
Yes Favs are:
-Angel Beats
-Vampire Knight
-Hell Girl
-Ouran High School (sp?)
I like others but those are prolly my fav

2.) Favorite movie(s)??
Oh this is so hard...
-V for Vendetta
-Donnie Darko
-Underworld series
-Star Wars

3.) Favorite band(s)??
-Paramore
-Kill Hannah
-Linkin Park
-Skrillex
-La Roux
-Mechinae Supremacy
-Hadouken!
-Natalia Kills
-Obsidia
This is too hard I have 100 Gigs of music!!!! Those are prolly the top though
4.) Do you like Gir from Invader Zim?? cause i dooooo!!
Lulz hell yes I have headphones of his

5.) Got any suggestions for other awesome artists on deviantart for me and/or anyone else to check out??
I don't know how to link you to them but my fav artists on here are Chenai and larenn

6.) (If you celebrate it) Excited for christmas?!?
Yeah, see the fam and 2 days off in a row

7.) (If you celebrate it) What did you ask for/are hoping to get for Christmas?!?
I see my gf once a week, I don't need anything special for a holiday, she is enough.

8.) Favorite kinda cookie!!
-Shnickerdoodle (sp?)

9.) If you could be in one fictional story, what would it be?? (example, i wanna live in the world of bleach or fairy tail or be in the story of DOCTOR WHO!!)
Alice In Wonderland hands down. Or the world from Angel Beats or Underworld (vampires and lycans)

10.) Looking forward to this being over?? (i am...)
I will admit as long as you read it I'm ok with it

11.) Video gaaaames!!! faves and/or suggestions??
Ok um you know I game so yeah this is a nuts question. Right now and probably for the next year I will be playing Star Wars the Old Republic. It is an AMAZING!!! MMO and just ugh its so good. Only problem is that its very hard to run so you have to have a kick ass PC :/ Other than that I suggest Kirby's Epic Yarn and the original Super Smash Brothers

<3 Abandoned Melody